


If Brokenness is a Work of Art

by eclare_writes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, I'm just here for a good time, Jedi, Kylo Ren is soft but only for you, Non-Graphic Violence, Reader is prone to injury, Slow Burn, Snoke is a dick, bad depictions of fighting, innacurate depictions of the force, very self-indulgent, will update tags as needed, you're kylo ren's apprentice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25125535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclare_writes/pseuds/eclare_writes
Summary: You grew up being told that your ability to absorb emotions was just empathy, though no one could explain the physical pain that came with others' sadness or the ecstasy from their joy. It quickly became something you kept to yourself.Until you found out that maybe it was more than just emotions.And maybe... so was your relationship with Master Ren.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. let me be right

The sheets were soft around you, a pillowy casing that you couldn’t bear to leave, but they were colder than the dream you had been rudely awoken from by your body’s natural clock. You squeezed your eyes shut as you tried to return to it. There was a hand reaching out to you from a nameless body. Your senses urged you to feel concerned at this stranger, but the hand… It looked inviting and… almost familiar.

You blinked your eyes open as the image went fuzzy again. Your brain couldn’t seem to reach far back enough to remember what happened with the hand. All you knew is you felt… safe? Whole? Loved? You couldn’t place the feeling, but knew you wanted it back.

After laying in bed for several minutes of willing yourself to start your day and drifting back to that hand, you finally achieved the monumental task of sitting up. You turned your head to look out the window and were greeted with the daily sight of early dawn. The sun was still set behind the hills in the distance, but the sky was slowly taking on a hazy shade of lavender above the orange glow at the horizon. The birds had started chirping in the trees that lined the castle grounds and you could practically smell the morning dew that would quickly dissolve once the sun fully rose. You smiled to yourself, tracing the outline of the hills in the distance on your window pane, still feeling warm from your dream.

Quickly realizing you couldn’t romanticize the moment much longer without running the risk of being late to your morning duties, you groaned and threw the covers off yourself, encouraging your brain’s trained routine to kick into gear. You tugged off the long shirt you used as a nightgown and pulled on your underwear followed by a shift dress, pulling at the stiff fabric until it felt more comfortable on your body, though that wasn’t saying much as the starch rubbed against your exposed skin.

You wardrobe, while larger than you felt necessary, didn’t house clothes that you always felt particularly comfortable in. They were generally too formal, but you resigned yourself to wear them as it was part of your role in the castle. Landing on a long-sleeved dress that had a lace-detailed navy blue top with a high neckline and a full-length, flowy, cream-colored skirt, you dressed yourself for the day. It was formal without being ostentatious, which you deemed suitable for the lack of official meetings in the morning. After braiding your hair into a low bun, you left your quarters with your small bag of supplies.

You pulled out your datapad and started to go through the day’s plans and activities as you made your way down the hall to your princess’s room, tuning out the early morning chatter of the castle waking up and your feet tapping the ground. Quietly opening the door and slipping through, you made sure not to wake her as you set to prepping her quarters for the day. You chose a morning dress that held similar cream and navy tones to your own and laid it out on the chest at the foot of her bed, smoothing out the creases in the gown before retuning to select a matching pair of heels.

The mindless repetition caused your brain to relax and drift. You found yourself peaking into the princess’s dreams as she slept. The fireplace in front of you bounced to life as you tapped into the feeling of serenity that pooled off the princess in waves, but quickly shook your head the moment desire started creeping into her emotions, deciding that was enough invasion of Her Royal Highness’s privacy for the morning.

There was still another thirty minutes before the princess would need to be awake, so you made your way out of her room and down the long hallways and dramatic staircases to the kitchen.

As soon as you sat down, the chef, Drinna, placed a bowl of porridge with fruit on it and a plate of eggs in front of you, shortly followed by a mug of sweetened coffee with milk.

“Eggs?” you asked, your morning voice raspy from lack of use.

“Farmer Dolphe informed me that the girls laid double their usual amount of eggs since yesterday, so I thought you might appreciate the extra protein,” she said, and you quickly thanked her for the treat, your stomach growling loudly. She smiled at you before returning to her work, and you thanked the stars for the birds being so gracious in their givings today.

Drinna was not the most friendly of staff, but your daily interactions with her usually took place before she could be upset by others in the castle. You ate your meal in peace, silently urging the coffee to bring a perk to your step and some life to your eyes. You had a feeling you would need the extra boost today. Once again, you found your mind drifting away and into Drinna’s, where you could sense her frustration with the other kitchen staff and her growing disdain for work.

The chiming of the village’s bell tower in the distance snapped you back into your own brain and you finished your meal, rushing your appreciation to Drinna as she placed a tray of the princess’s breakfast in front of you. The now sun-filled halls greeted you as you walked through them and to the princess’s room, where you quietly knocked before entering.

The princess was still asleep, so you placed her tray of food in her bedroom dining area and sighed to yourself as you mentally readied to wake her up. For a brief moment you considered walking out and letting her sleep, but decided better of it. 

You made your way to her sprawled out body, noting for the thousandth time how pretty the princess looked as she dreamed, then grabbed a pillow off the floor that she must have pushed off in her sleep. Lining it up and preparing to whack her in the face, your arms quickly moved down before a sleepy voice stopped you from below you, “What do you think you’re doing?”

Your arms paused for a brief second before you decided better of it and playfully hit her face and walked away.

“Breakfast,” was your simple reply.

“Hey!” she squeaked and you dodged the pillow being thrown at you from behind with ease.

“Your Royal Highness, I suggest you get up and eat your meal before it gets cold,” you said, turning on your heels to face the princess with your arms crossed over your chest. She sat up in bed, her blonde hair a mess and her pink nightgown askew.

“Don’t ‘Royal Highness’ me after hitting me with a pillow!” she hissed.

“Don’t look so ridiculous when you sleep and I won’t hit you with a pillow, _princess_.”

She sighed dramatically and fell backwards into her bed, “I was having the most wonderful dream, you couldn’t even begin to imagine it!”

“Oh?” you said simply, mind once again remembering your dream as the princess spoke of her own somewhere in the background, opening the curtains on the windows as you did so.

“... and he held me so unbelievably tight as he- hey, you’re supposed to be listening to me,” she cut herself off.

“And you’re supposed to be eating breakfast. Get up, Elle,” you mumbled, making your way over to her and tugging her arm.

“You have to listen to my dream if I get out of bed. Promise.” she stared you dead in the eye.

“Promise. Now get up,” you couldn’t help but smile as she hopped out of bed, suddenly cheery and _very_ awake.

You pondered for a moment what things would be like if you were the princess with a lot of responsibilities but even more naivety and she was your lady-in-waiting whose mind was constantly riddled with keeping you in check. You figured you would be a lot more like her than you normally were and vice versa.

The princess sat down at the table and started her breakfast and you got to work making her massive bed. Your daily list of chores made you wish the planet of Essormar would make better use of droids within the castle walls. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you listened to her continue on about her dream.

“Do you still think about him?” she asked, and suddenly you were paying attention.

You froze, midway through fluffing a pillow. “Him who? I know a lot of ‘him’s.” You returned to work, feeling heat rise up your neck.

“If you’d been listening to me, you would know who.” You could practically feel her quirked brow and frown.

You knew exactly who she meant without needing to listen.

“That was a long time ago, I don’t know why you’ve chosen now to ask,” you snapped.

“I just worry sometimes, that’s all…” she trailed off, fully aware she’d struck a chord.

You sighed, deciding she might as well get an answer, “Yes,” you whispered, pausing for a moment again before finishing the bed. She didn’t seem to have much conversation to follow this as she returned to her eating. You grabbed a brush off of her vanity and moved behind her to start preparing her hair for the day as she finished her meal. 

Once the princess was done eating, you accompanied her through the halls on the way to meeting with the queen, going through the scheduled activities on your datapad with her. You sat through a few informal meetings, providing input as requested, walked with her through the gardens, sat with her through language and etiquette lessons, and listened to her practice music - all before lunchtime. Throughout the morning, you offered plenty of jesting quips to keep her engaged in the business of the day and constantly checked in to make sure she wasn’t overwhelmed anywhere in her daily routine.

After lunch, you and the princess changed into more formal afternoon wear. She chose a light turquoise organza gown with a pink embroidery overlay on the sleeves and bodice that she loved so much that she insisted the seamstress make a reversed version for you - a soft pink organza dress with a light turquoise embroidery overlay.

They were your absolute favorite gowns to wear, especially as the princess insisted on the two of you matching in some way most of the time but rarely matched to this extent. You felt gorgeous in the dress, its layers twirled beautifully and caught the sun with some inset shimmers in the base fabric. Sometimes you felt like you yourself were the princess in the dress instead of her lady-in-waiting.

The afternoons usually held leisure time, lessons, or in today’s case, public council time, where the people would present their problems to the queen or offer gifts to the royals. While Essormar was under the overall rule of The First Order, they had chosen to continue the ancient tradition of the planet and have a queen rule the thrown and oversee local proceedings. The Queen could be elected out if the people so wanted, but that hadn’t happened in several generations. The First Order surprisingly had no issues with this as Essormar was a small planet that didn’t produce much outside of food and soldiers. The current queen, Queen Koria, was well-loved, so these council sessions were typically locals wanting to give gifts or just spend time in her presence.

The Queen sat on her simple throne at the end of a long room, centered by her husband and the princess on either side. You stood behind the princess as an hour went by of hearing about crops and being given chickens, trying to ignore the growing ache in your feet.

Just as the council time was to end, a guard leaned down to whisper in the queen’s ear. You couldn’t hear what the guard had said, but you could feel the fear that quickly riddled the mind of the queen. She whispered something back to the guard. 

You didn’t need to hear the conversation to understand the specific fear that plagued the queen’s mind.

It was The First Order.

They were coming.

  
Before the queen could inform anyone else present, at least a dozen stormtroopers pooled into the courtroom, forcing the queen’s guard back. You heard them announce something or someone, but you couldn’t focus. The fear buzzing around you was overwhelming and it fed into your own anxiety. You focused on your breathing, squeezing your eyes shut as the intensity of the emotions fought against you. You peaked your eyes open, hoping to latch your focus onto something, _anything_ but your racing heart and the feelings you couldn’t stop absorbing.

You decided you no longer liked being empathetic as you saw what - or who - was causing the growing anxiety in the room.

It was tall, dark, and oozing anger and frustration.

And as you looked at it, it shifted its head to look directly at you.

You froze, the fear taking over your body, setting you into a panic mode you didn’t know you had. All you could do was stare right back at the _thing_. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you heard the snivelly redhead next to the black figure asserting himself as a general of The First Order to the queen.

The _thing_ turned its head as introduced, and you quickly turned your gaze to the floor below you. Your mind had eased enough to tune into the conversation.

“- and as the Supreme Leader sensed the Force from these coordinates, we have deduced that the Princess Eliena is the source of this power and must come with us to begin her training with Commander Kylo Ren.” the redhead continued, nodding his head towards the masked creature standing next to him. You assumed that meant the creature was Kylo Ren.

Your head snapped up at that and you looked between the general and the princess, who looked absolutely dumbfounded, and you miraculously ignored the creature whose mask was aimed directly towards you again. Knowing that this was _the_ Kylo Ren, who had killed hundreds, maybe even thousands, with his own hands, nearly had you shaking where you stood.

“The Force?” the queen and princess questioned simultaneously.

“I thought that was a myth,” the queen continued.

“And even if it wasn’t, I definitely don’t have it,” the princess concluded with a resolute nod of her head.

“You’re so right,” the creature stated emotionlessly, his voice coming through the mask in a modified baritone. It sent shivers down your spine.

To make it worse, his mask had not left your face.

“You mean we came all this way for-” the redhead was cut off by a wave of the creature’s hand. 

“It’s the girl,” he nodded towards you.

“I thought you said it was the _princess_ , we don’t need some… some _slave_ girl on our ship!” the redhead piped up again.

The princess would not have this. She stood up, rage coiling off her in thick ropes. “How DARE you come into our castle and call her a slave, you vile-”

She was quickly shut up as the stormtroopers pointed their blasters at her.

The creature was still staring. “You’re coming with us,” it said. 

You hesitated. You didn’t want to speak in front of the creature and possibly risk your life, but… 

“I can’t. I-I don’t even… even have the Force...” you mumbled, shocked you could manage the words.

The general looked at Kylo Ren for confirmation.

“I can sense it. You can too, can’t you? You feel overwhelmed by it,” the creature said, slowly moving closer towards the throne, and by extension, you. “It scares you, doesn’t it? It always has.”

You couldn’t take your eyes off the hole in the mask where you were sure his eyes were.

“I-I don’t… I don’t.. I… I have to… I.. I have to serve my princess…” you said barely above a whisper.

“Your loyalty will serve you well in The First Order, but the Supreme Leader’s orders are final,” the redhead piped up.

“I’ll go instead! I don’t have the Force, but I can learn! Please, you can’t take her! I have younger sisters who can take my place-” the princess blurted out, now standing in front of you protectively.

“ _Elle_ ,” you hissed, not taking your eyes off the blasters that hadn’t stopped pointing at her. “ _Shut up_ before they _kill you_ ,” you whispered, ignoring the prickling of tears in your eyes.

“I see she has a brain, what a surprise,” the general responded, sounding exasperated.

“Take us both then, I can work as a… a-” the princess couldn’t finish her sentence as something pulled her into the air and she desperately pawed at her neck, horrible gasping and retching sounds coming from her mouth as she dangled midair. Someone screamed. You couldn’t tell if it was you, the queen, or both.

The fear you had felt earlier was nothing compared to the terror rippling off Eliena as her body twisted and writhed against whatever invisible force was holding her up. Her cries for help crept into your body with no warning and then hit you like a truck the longer you stared, mortified, at the scene above you. Your muscles were stiff and your bones were crying out in desperation, and all you could could think, could feel, was agonizing horror as she twitched feet away from your head.

“You act like you have a choice, _girl_ ,” the creature threatened, his arm outstretched towards Eliena.

You weren’t even aware of the tears that had fallen onto your cheeks and you were yelling, “Yes, I’ll go with you, yes, yes, _please_ just put her down!”

Your breaths were almost as shaky as the princess’s as she fell limply to the ground. You instinctively crouched down to pet her head and you managed to tuck some hair behind her ear before a pair of stormtroopers grabbed you beneath your arms and tugged you to sit on your knees in front of the general and Kylo Ren. 

The creature looked at you, and you could feel his curiosity leaking out of him as he looked you up and down. Before you could register what was happening, your body was whipped around by the same invisible force that had almost killed Eliena moments before.

You watched in horror as Eliena’s limp body, still recovering from the lack of oxygen, was raised up and pulled towards you so her legs dangled only feet away from your face. She floated for a moment, looking almost beautiful, her dress settling around her body before a sickening crack filled the room as her head was twisted completely back and her lifeless body dropped in front of you, her head landing on your knees.

You were screaming again, your body shaking violently. You wanted to reach out and touch her, to comfort what was now an empty shell of your best friend, but your arms were pinned behind your back by that same invisible - _evil_ \- force.

You weren’t allowed to mourn before stormtroopers pulled you to your feet and dragged you from the courtroom. You couldn’t protest. Your body had stopped cooperating.

There was screaming everywhere. Pain. Agony. Parents mourning their princess.Your brain distantly registered that the loudest scream was coming from you. It was overwhelming your senses. You couldn’t feel anything but pain. Your body was limp from the exhaustion of processing so many emotions at once. You couldn’t even feel the tears running down your face, the sobs and shrieks pouring from your throat.

“Kill them all,” the modified voice of Kylo Ren ordered from somewhere in front of you. You distantly heard blasters, the screaming amplified tenfold.

You were unwittingly lead onto a giant black ship that had been left where _guests_ normally left their ships. Your head had started lolling, you didn’t have the strength to stop it, nor could you stop the pained grief erupting violently from your chest in the form of wailing.

Suddenly, the pain stopped. You felt your own shattering grief, but there was no longer the pain of every citizen of Essormar that had been in that room.

_They’re all dead,_ you realized.

You couldn’t catch your breath as the stormtroopers that had dragged you from the castle dropped you on the floor of the shuttle. Your breaths were noisy and ragged as you tried to make sense of what had happened. Your body had gotten so used to the wailing that it hadn’t stopped.

Your ears felt like they were full of moss, everything was muffled and distant. Somewhere in the shuttle, you could make out the annoying voice from earlier complaining, “Make her _shut up_ , Ren.”

“It’s good for her,” the modulated voice responded calmly. “Let her sit in it.”

“I don’t _care_ if it’s good for her, make it stop,” the redhead hissed.

The masked creature hummed in consideration. For a second, you swore you felt some pity somewhere in him, even if it was fleeting.

Suddenly, a giant gloved hand grabbed your head.

_This is it,_ you thought. _He’s going to kill me too. Put an end to this. Just so he doesn’t have to hear me crying._

And then everything slowed down.

A tantalizing voice reached out to you.

Warm… inviting… _familiar…_ “Sleep,” it told you.

There was no arguing to be done. You wanted to sleep. It was all you wanted.

And so you fell into a graciously dreamless sleep.


	2. Strangers to Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to The First Order, baby

You blinked your eyes a few times as they adjusted to the harsh light above you, trying to register where you were without moving. You were too scared to.

The last thing you could remember was distant screaming, a gloved hand covering your face, and an unbearable amount of pain wracking your body both physically and emotionally.

And now you were here. Wherever “here” was.

You couldn’t sense anyone in the room, so you cautiously started wiggling your fingers and toes to make sure they were there. Once you had confirmation that you could still feel them, you dared to pat down your body. Everything seemed to be in the right place and unharmed, but your body ached from the terror you had felt earlier. Most notably was your throat, which felt like you had drunk a gallon of hot sand fresh from Tatooine.

Deciding to take in your surroundings, you managed to slowly sit up, glancing around nervously the entire time.

Thankfully, you found that you were blissfully alone in the room that you couldn’t remember entering. You sat up on the tiny, cot-like bed that you had been placed on and tried to understand your surroundings, though there wasn’t much to be understood. The room itself was a sterile and shiny white, with only enough room in it for the bed that was pressed tightly against the wall and a few feet of walking space next to it. There were two doors in the room. One was a large blast door that you assumed would let you leave the room, which was opposite the wall your bed was against. The other was just a doorway that lead to what you figured was your own private refresher as you could see a shower beyond it.

Seeing the shower, however pitiful it looked, instantly made you want to clean yourself off from recent events, but you decided to first have a look around outside to try to situate yourself.

As you moved to get off of the bed, you became aware of three things: how scratchy the sheets were, the flatness of the pillow that was sure to give you neck problems, and the small stack of black fabric sitting at the foot of your bed. You chose to examine the pile and found a long sleeve shirt, a pair of plain pants, some underwear that looked extremely unflattering, a bra that would definitely not fit you, socks, and a towel, all in the same shade of black.

_ The First Order really wants to keep up their aesthetic, huh?  _ You thought as you stood up, leaving the pile of clothes on the bed before going to the blast door. Hoping that you were right about it leading outside, you pressed the control panel that was meant to open it.

Nothing.

You pressed it a few more times and got the same result.

_ Not only did they kill everyone I love, but now they’re locking me up? Fantastic. _

The pile of black clothes and the wimpy showerhead were calling to you. You knew that was what The First Order had intended for you, and you currently weren’t very keen on them, but you figured there was nothing better to do.

You grabbed the pile of clothes before almost tripping on a black pair of ankle boots that sat on the floor by the foot of your bed. Another piece for your designated ensemble.

The refresher was about as small as you could imagine it being. There was a tiny wardrobe in the corner that held more of the same black clothes and towels that now sat in your arms. In front of it sat a toilet that barely gave enough room for the wardrobe to open, and to its left was the sink, next to the shower stall. It was a tight squeeze, but you figured your other option was sharing a refresher with several stormtroopers.

You carefully stripped your now-dirtied gown off your shoulders then held it in front of you.

For what felt like the hundredth time, you admired the flow of the fabric and the delicate floral embroidery that outlined the bodice. It was surely the last beautiful thing you would see for a while and you needed to keep it safe. Folding it gently, you decided to tuck it into an empty drawer of the wardrobe and hoped no one would find it. It was the only thing you had now that specifically belonged to you. You finished undressing, tucking your undergarments away with the dress and hoping to later find a way to have them washed (stars forbid you want a well-fitting bra and a pair of underwear that didn’t look like it was pulled from a nun’s drawer).

The shower only had one button, and when you pressed it, room temperature water poured over you. There was nothing to turn to adjust the heat, so you were stuck with being slightly chilled as you cleaned with the soap provided from a labeled dispenser on the wall.

Your body eventually adjusted to the water as you started to massage shampoo into your hair. It smelled the same as the body wash - sterile and unwelcoming.

Being alone with your thoughts in the shower was harder than you expected it to be as you pushed your memories of earlier that day (or was it yesterday? Maybe the day before?) to the back of your mind. You didn’t know if you could even cry anymore at this point, especially with how hoarse your throat felt.

You turned around to rinse out the shampoo, closing your eyes for a brief moment under the stream of water before the image of Eliena, neck broken and body limp, made its way to the forefront of your mind.

Gasping, you recoiled from the water and opened your eyes again.

You didn’t want to have to relive that. You couldn’t.

But you also couldn’t stop it.

The next thing you knew, you were sat on the freezing tile of your shower stall, arms wrapped around your knees as the water streamed over you, trying to catch your breath as you remembered all of the terror from earlier. It threatened to overwhelm you - the screams of the royals and their guard as you were pulled from the throne room. The pain and fear they felt before their lives were ended washing over you in fresh waves. Your body was shaking and you had started to wail again, the sound coming out as raspy breaths. Your voice was completely gone.

You didn’t know how long you sat on the shower floor crying, but you eventually found there was nothing left in your body to let you cry anymore, it was absolutely drained of tears, energy, and emotion.

All that was left was numbness and a vague understanding that this would be your new normal.

_ Unless this is all just a dream…  _ the thought crept into your head before you could stop it, and it managed to encourage itself.  _ Yes, this is all just a terrible nightmare.  _

Nodding numbly to yourself, you decided that was the best way to treat your new situation, even though the pain you felt was undeniably real, and you pulled yourself up to a standing position, leaning against the wall for a moment before leaving the shower stall.

Clothes found their way onto your body after you dried off. They were softer than you expected, but not flattering in any sense of the word.

Deciding to try and find a toothbrush, you finally caught your reflection in the tiny mirror above your sink and almost gasped at your appearance.

Your skin had gone paler than you had ever seen it, your eyes puffy, red, and looking inhuman on your face. There was a series of bruises on your shoulders from where the stormtroopers had manhandled you, and you were shaking. You looked like a shell of yourself.

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes tightly shut to block out your own face. After taking a couple deep breaths, you felt along the edge of the mirror and pulled, finding a medicine cabinet behind it that held a hairbrush, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and some feminine hygiene products. The thought of having your period during whatever The First Order planned to put you through almost made you gag.

You ran the brush through your hair a few times before securing it back how it previously was in a low braided bun. Just as you started brushing your teeth, the blast door opened with a woosh of air and you turned around, startled but still unable to make noise as you took in the masked figure of Kylo Ren standing in your doorway.

He just stood there, watching you as you stared stupidly back at him, too afraid to remove the toothbrush from your mouth or even wipe the toothpaste from your lips.

Despite his face being hidden from you, you could feel him once again looking you up and down, your own eyes never straying from the darkness that hid his.

“You’ve certainly made yourself comfortable,” he noted in the metallic voice that haunted your thoughts.

You tried to respond with a ‘yes,’ but all that came out was a rasp of air. Your hand gently brushed your throat and you looked up at him, realizing your voice was completely gone. He hummed in response as you gave a slight nod of the head instead, dropping your hand and your gaze.

Your time as a lady-in-waiting made you nothing but polite, no matter how much you wanted to kick the creature in the balls.

_ Assuming he had them _ , you mused to yourself. You couldn’t even verify that the creature was human, let alone a man (but you had heard others referring to the creature as a ‘him,’ so you stuck with it).

As if he had heard your thoughts, he rushed towards you until his chest stood inches from your face, a gloved hand raised to grip your throat. The toothbrush still dangling from your lips was pushed further back into your mouth by his huge figure as it pushed on the end of it.

The empty mask tilted down to you as the grip around your throat tightened just enough to be uncomfortable but not hurt. Instead of trembling, your body decided to stare directly back. Not in defiance, but in curiosity. You were surprised to find that the lack of emotion the mask held almost comforted you. You couldn’t see the rage that burned in his eyes, but you could definitely feel it pooling off of him.

Despite the fear you had felt earlier in terrifying waves, your mind fell into a calm state, almost admiring the lines on his helmet as you tried to reach further into his emotions.

Your lack of fear managed to anger him even more for a second before he huffed and turned away, your ability to sense his emotions quickly blocked by some other force.

“We are meeting with the Supreme Leader now,” he said, still turned away from you. “Finish grooming and get your shoes on.”

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you, and did as you were told.

The sleek black boots fit snugly around your feet, and you were sure you’d have blisters before you even made it to wherever the Supreme Leader was.

You stood next to Kylo Ren expectantly, silently reminding yourself to pretend like this was just a nightmare and get it over with.

A modulated chuckle came from above you and you looked up at the masked figure, “This is not a nightmare,  _ girl,” _ you didn’t like the way he said that. He started walking from the room, a motion you assumed you were to follow (and to your dismay, you did, the blaster door closing behind you).

“In fact, I believe you should show your gratitude towards me,” he continued, walking calmly down the pristine hallways that were peppered with stormtroopers, droids, and other workers while you struggled to keep up with him (a notable feat considering his long strides and your uncomfortable new shoes).

You let out a huff in response, hoping he could read your thoughts as they responded with,  _ In your dreams, tall person. _ You wished you could say the words aloud, no matter how feeble the insult was, but you knew that all that would come out was raspy air. 

He finally stopped in front of a blaster door, nodding to the stormtroopers guarding it before they moved to press something on the control panel. A tiny room opened in front of you and you looked up at Kylo Ren, waiting for an action for you to follow. He gestured you inside and you tentatively stepped in before he joined you. The door closed quickly, and suddenly your stomach fell to the floor as the ground moved upwards, taking you with it.

Ren watched as you grasped at the railings in the room that had not stopped moving. “I can’t have my apprentice be scared of a simple elevator. Stand up straight.”

You nodded quickly, standing up but still clutching onto the railings behind you, trying to slow your breathing.

_ Right. An elevator. Not a death trap. Of course - why would he get on it if it would kill him? They want you here and put in the effort to get you cleaned up, they won’t kill you so quickly.  _ You chastised yourself, your mind tagging on,  _ Then why kill Eliena like that? _ Before you could stop it. You glanced over at the giant man across from you, who stood calmly and unwavering, still not even letting you tap into his emotions. He had definitely heard the thought.

“It was either I kill her or make you do it,” he stated simply, as if reading an item off a grocery list. “She could have died at your own hands, so you should be grateful.”

_ But why kill her at all?  _ You thought as loudly as you could, staring directly at him, wishing you hadn’t wailed as desperately as you had earlier so you could at least communicate normally.

Kylo Ren stared at you for a long moment. The urge to punch him in the gut increased with every millisecond, yet your mind had made the decision for you that it was better to trust him than to go against him. You had already seen what he does to people that take that route. 

“It’s easier this way,” he said firmly, finally looking at the door instead of you. Just as you were about to think-ask him what ‘it’ was, the elevator stopped and the door opened. He promptly left it without directing you, but you followed him on implication.

The room he lead you into was, in a word, creepy.

It felt almost like a throne room, yet there was no throne. With the little light that was projected away from the walkway, you could see that the walls were made of something that looked like stone. Far ahead of you, centered but towards the wall opposite from the one you had entered through, was a huge platform with stairs leading up to it with a smaller platform directly in front of it.

Every nerve in your body urged you to turn around and get back in the elevator.

Right as you started twisting your body to do just that, one of Kylo’s impossibly large hands placed itself on your back and pushed you forwards, strong enough that you had to move towards the podium but gentle enough so you didn’t fall.

You glanced back at the emptiness of his mask, looking for some sort of empathy for your fear, but couldn’t find it. On top of that, he was still blocking off his emotions to you and you couldn’t get a read on him at all.

It was more frustrating than it was unsettling.

He continued to nudge you forwards until you stood on the round platform by the base of the stairs. The urge to run away grew almost painful to resist when a giant hologram started to appear in front of you.

The grey-blue light projected the figure of a grossly deformed man of some sort sitting on a throne, and it overall stood at least three times taller than the man standing net to you.

Whatever technology the First Order had that Essormar didn’t made the hologram seem incredibly life-like. You wouldn’t have known it was a hologram if you hadn’t seen it form right in front of you.

You had to remind yourself that it was just a hologram and the figure wasn’t actually that large.

_ At least I hope not, _ you thought to yourself.

The sight of the giant man had startled you so much that you didn’t realize Kylo Ren had knelt down and bowed his head until he addressed the figure, “Supreme Leader.”

You quickly glanced between the two before copying his pose, absolutely silent. 

“I see you have found the girl,” the hologram said, presumably looking down towards you. You wouldn’t know because you had decided that the floor was a much better sight than anything else the room had to offer.

Kylo rose next to you, seeming almost as big as the hologram in your senses, responding cooly, “Yes. She was right where you said she would be, Supreme Leader. Hux’s assumption of her being the princess was incorrect. She was a servant girl, not royalty.”

_ Lady-in-waiting, asshole, _ you thought loudly to yourself. That title was the one thing you had going for you for most of your life and, at the very least, you wanted to preserve that.

If Kylo had heard your thoughts, he didn’t acknowledge them. He still loomed over you as you continued to kneel, too scared to stand up and face the Supreme Leader or his apprentice.

Since Kylo Ren was seemingly blocking him from reading his emotions, you were left to deal with your own fear. You weren’t sure if that was a soothing thought or not as you felt your hands trembling as they rested on your knee.

“Ah, so she is loyal. She will serve you well going forward as your apprentice,” the Supreme Leader said.

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Ren responded. He paused a moment before adding, “I have seen her mind. She could never be an adept fighter. There is too much hesitance and…” an unnecessarily long pause, “ _ Compassion _ ,” he spat, “in her to be a warrior.”

You huffed in response, insulted by his confusion at your own decency as a human being while also wondering how he knew all of this. He had barely even had a conversation with you.

Unfortunately, he continued, “I will teach her as you have taught me, but I see a future of little improvement for her.” You could feel the mask turn towards you for a moment before turning back to the hologram, “Her only potential is in her telepathic abilities. It seems she is already advanced in using Force empathy, but she has no control over it.”

“Begin her training tomorrow. If what you say is true, her lack of physical ability will not allow weapons training yet. Focus on preparing her for combat and controlling her abilities with the Force. Her weaknesses will be destroyed over time.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren responded. You could feel his mask on you again and suddenly you felt an irresistible urge to stand up, so you did. As soon as you were fully standing next to your new… Boss? Teacher?... Whatever he was, his mask snapped back to the hologram. Your eyes remained on the floor. 

“I expect you to do for her as I have done for you, Ren. Do not fail me,” and with that, the hologram disappeared. You were once again plunged into almost darkness with your… Trainer? Commander?

“Master,” the deep metallic voice sounded next to you. You looked up towards him, only to be met with the cold stare of his mask, confusion obvious in your face. After what seemed like an eternity, he turned around and started walking towards the door you had entered through.

“You will refer to me as  _ Master _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I'm planning on trying to stick to some semblance of a schedule but please be understanding if that doesn't happen. I'm a busy girl and writing isn't my go-to outlet.
> 
> Also this may be less of a slow burn than originally planned simply because I need motivation to write and that lies in Kylo Ren holding y/n until she falls asleep and not war strategy meetings.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Gonna try to update this regularly :)  
> Also on Wattpad under the same name & Username
> 
> Comments are what keep me going just fyi


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